"Lock the doors and close the blinds -- we're going for a ride..."

Yesterday was an interesting day at work.

Let's even back up one more day. I work for a relatively large tech company that has been having quite a bit of financial trouble lately. (After all, what tech companies haven't been?) The company has been raked through corporate scandal, some indictments, and a lot of negative press coverage, as well as a tongue-lashing by President Bush about a year and a half back. We were in bankrupcy for a while, but finally emerged from it last month. Through this time I've seen our department get cut severely staff-wise while the workload has gone up drastically.

And this week the financial report came out: we're not earning as much as projected, so they're cutting about 15% of the workforce. Again.

This time, however, it's different: the company is asking many of us if we would like to volunteer to be placed on the cut-list. That way, they can do their best to minimize the number of workers who are cut but want to stay with the company. For me, a layoff from the company means a total of approximately 6-7 weeks of paid leave as severance. It is important to note, however, that the senior managers make the final decision: if you volunteer to be cut, they may decide that you're too important to let go voluntarily. And even if you don't submit your name to the list, they could decide that it's best if you go.

There are four different ways this could play out for me:

(1) I choose to stay with the job. They choose not to lay me off. I keep working until I decide that I need a change, or until they decide to let go of our department.

(2) I choose to stay with the job, but they choose to lay me off. It's possible; I've been flagged as someone who has taken more personal days than most, as I have a kid who has had his share of staying home from day care due to illness, as well as the fateful emergency room trips. If this happens, I have my severance, and then I need to find a job really quickly.

(3) I choose to put my name on the cut-list, and they choose to lay me off. Same results as #2, but I feel more in control of my decision. Again, I sure as hell better fight a job right quick.

(4) I choose to put my name on the list, but management decides that I'm too much of an asset to let go. Surprisingly enough, this could happen as well -- I'm a top engineer and trainer with a lot of knowlegde and the ability to teach, and they might need that to stick around.

Oh - and my decision needs to be made by next Wednesday.

I already have some co-workers who have made their decisions to put their names on the list. I guess I wouldn't be as hesitant about it if I didn't have a family depending on a steady paycheck. I bitch and moan about my job and work politics (who doesn't?) but I like the people I work closely with, and I'm good at what I do. And there are those special moments that I know I'm getting something worthwhile done.

Then again -- how long will it last? I work in a call center; how long will it be before my job moves across the country? Or across the world, for that matter? I doubt I would get any type of a deal then... And even if the job stays put for a while -- am I really going to move up at all? Am I earning what I'm worth right now? Could I do better?

There are a lot of factors I need to consider for this decision, and I'm confused to no end. I hate making decisions involving this type of risk, especially with so little time and so much banking on the decision. I thank my lucky stars that I have a wonderful spouse who has assured me that, whatever happens, we'll be okay. But I don't want to let her or Av down at all.

I'm not trying to solicit any advice from the Mindsay community. (But I won't turn any away either.) I'm posting this chiefly for myself -- perhaps rereading this over the next few days will help me determine the best course of action. I'm not using this as a poll to let my actions be the will of the people.

(And speaking of "the will of the people:" I'm keeping my "Futurama" ring tone. Thanks to all of you who voted...)

Until then, I'll be anxious, confused and cranky. But I'll try to make the best of it. Hope you all can bear with me through this...