"Lock the doors and close the blinds -- we're going for a ride..."

Hey kids - time for a potentially controversial post!

I still make the frequent mistake of listening to Bill O'Reilly sometimes during lunch while I wait for the nationally syndicated Don and Mike afternoon radio show to begin. And yesterday I caught the tail end of his rant of the day regarding large-scale retailers commiting the cardinal sin by saying "Season's Greetings" rather than the Norman Rockwellian "Merry Christmas."

First and foremost, I strongly believe that this is up to the vendor. Do they want to say "Merry Christmas?" Go for it. "Happy Holidays?"That's fine, too. The decisions will likely affect a small niche in your clientel. Some stores have seen more loyal shoppers when they cater to folks who will only buy kosher or Halal foods. Others, like Chik Fil-A, are closed on Sundays but gain the business and respect from those who feel more comfortable with a corporation which shares the same religious values as they do.

Will "Merry Christmas" alienate some? Of course. So will "Happy Holidays" - especially since Bill O'Reilly now has a crusade of his minions whom he's encouraging a boycott of stores that are using this instead of "Merry Christmas." And I'm guessing you won't get white supremacists as patrons to a store which wishes a "Happy Kwanzaa." (Well, they might go to the store outside of regular business hours...)

So -- it's all about marketing. You appease your customer base.

But I have a different take on this -- it's Christmas. Which means Christmas lights. Christmas trees. Christmas ornaments. Christmas caroling. It's a holiday which is central to the notion of Christianity itself -- the roots of which are the birth of an incarnation of God. That's pretty heavy stuff. True, it's evolved into traditions involving eggnog, mistletoe and Santa Claus, but they're Christmas traditions.

Do the other holidays in the "Holiday Season" have merit? Of course. But they're not Christmas. The idea of Chanukah presents, at least, stems primarily from the whole "we need an excuse to give our kids presents" department. The holiday celebrates a military victory in which Jews were able to take back their city and culture which had been robbed of them by King Antiocus. The whole "miracle of oil that lasted eight days" story is arguably a fairy tale with v ery little basis on fact.

I mean, there's no prohibition against actually working on Chaunkah! That's how trivial it is compared to the rest of the Jewish calendar. You want an important Jewish holiday? Try Shmini Altzeret. It's a holiday whose primary function is to be an extra "eighth day" of gathering together to extend the seven day holiday of Sukkot. Oh -- and there's a special included prayer for rain, as this kicks off the rainy half of the year (in Israel). And there's a special memorial prayer which is recited four times a year, this being one of them.

But it's a more traditional Jewish holiday than Chanukah. You're not supposed to work on that day. In fact, New York City suspends alternate side of the street parking rules for Shmini Atzeret. It's not done for Chanukah... Yet you'll find substantially fewer songs about Shmini Atzeret than you'll find about kids playil dreidel

Kwanzaa is a significant holiday as well -- the calendar placement of which stems from the Zulu "First Fruits" celebrations. So it's seasonal. But there's also the tradition of giving gifts to children. Hey -- just like Chanukah!

The point is that these holidays, as valid as they are, are taking the shape of the traditions of Christmas. There's no such thing as a Chanukah bush* or Kwanzaa caroling. These are Christmas traditions. We might as well call the holiday what it is rather than rolling them together into some watered-down amalgam. This year we have a rare opportunity in which both Kwanzaa and Chanukah fall after Christmas -- perhaps giving each holiday the independence it deserves. (Albeit there's going to be a parallel with the candle-lighting). But please -- no dreidel tree ornaments. And I'd really appreciate not associating Chanukah with the bizarre "fruitcake giving" custom in any way.

I know this has been quite a rambling entry, so let me sum up: Retailers can make their own decisions based on whom they want to reach. But don't make a big deal about these other holidays if you're just going to make them the Jewish and African-American Christmases.

Postscript: I began this by talking about Bill O'Reilly - another proponent of just calling it Christmas. I leave you with a paraphrase of what I heard on yesterday's show. It's surprising to see that I agree with what he says.


You know - after reading that again? Wow - he's such a dick...



* Yes. I know that there are "Chanukah bushes" out there which people have. But pretty obvious to determine the origins.